Returning a king for his inauguration ceremony, Leonidas sees Margo (Carmen Electra) dancing and asks her to marry him, to which she responds by giving him the combination to her chastity belt. The film then fast forwards to where the story begins, opening with Leonidas training his son, until Captain (Kevin Sorbo) informs him that a Persian messenger has arrived to present Xerxes’ demands for Sparta’s submission. Leonidas arrives to greet the messenger in the Spartan way (high-fives for the women and open mouth tongue kisses for the men). After growing angry with the messenger’s disrespect, Leonidas kicks him, the messenger’s bodyguards, and then several other people he just plain disliked, ranging from Britney Spears (Nicole Parker) to Sanjaya Malakar and the American Idol judges, into "The Pit of Death". As Leonidas walks off he turns to a column, that has a switch that reads "Garbage Disposal", and flips the switch causing the celebrities to spiral to their "death".

Resolving to face the Persians, Leonidas visits the Oracle, proposing an "erotic-sounding" strategy to repel the numerically superior enemy after offering the priests various skin-care lotions for guidance. The Oracle, Ugly Betty, says some well known lines as in "Save the cheerleader, save the world" from Heroes and "Douchebag says what" Leonidas responding with a "What?" Then, the Oracle reveals that Leonidas will die should he go to war. That night, Leonidas and Margo then decide to have sex before Leonidas heads out (which in fact is just Leonidas bench pressing his wife numerous times). Leonidas then goes out to meet the soldiers collected for his departure, and finds that only 13 (not 300) came to the call of war, three among them being Captain, his son (Sonio), and a slightly unfit Spartan named Dilio. The 13 hold hands and skip behind Leonidas to Thermopylae, where they meet Paris Hilton (also played by Parker), whom they rejected from joining their army due to her mild deformities. Leonidas and his platoon soon face off with Xerxes’ messenger and his Immortals, beating them in a dance contest before driving them off a cliff. Xerxes (Ken Davitian), impressed, personally approaches Leonidas and attempts to bribe him in a Deal or No Deal fashion. Despite the soldiers encouragements, the Spartan king declines, saying that he will instead make the "God King" fall. The Spartans then face the Xerxes army in a "Yo Momma" fight, ending with a victory in spite of Dilio having his eyes scratched out.

Though victory seemed to be in the Spartans’ grasp, Paris Hilton reveals the location of the goat path to Xerxes, having been promised her hump removed among her various demands. Using a CGI army, Xerxes overpowers the 12 remaining Spartans. However, though his army was defeated, Xerxes finds the Allspark (from Transformers) and transforms a convertible into his suit of armor, playing both the Rick Roll and "Leave Britney Alone" videos to prove his "godly power". But "Xerxestron" ends up delivering on Leonidas’s promise to "fall", though he crushed the surviving Spartans under his bulk. The blind Dilio, who left prior to the final battle, eventually returns to Sparta to tell of Leonidas’ final moments. A year later, Dilio leads a force of 100 real Spartans and several thousand more CGI ones to defeat the Persians, but the blind warrior ends up going the wrong way and leads the Spartans to Malibu. They end up crashing into Lindsay Lohan while she was coming out of rehab (again), causing her to expose her bare crotch as she flies off screen.

The film ends with a musical number set to Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive performed on American Idol by all of the characters in the film. It also spoofs Britney Spears’ VMA’s comeback performance. As the credits start rolling, it is followed by additional scenes not shown in the movie. (possibly deleted scenes)

• 5 megapixel camera with auto focus and Carl Zeiss optics
• Xenon flash and active lens cover
• 2.4" 16M color QVGA display
• 128 MB RAM
• Wi-Fi with UPnP
• Built-in GPS receiver and A-GPS functionality
• Nokia maps application covering over 100 countries worldwide
• Convenient standard 3.5 mm audio jack on the top
• 3G (with HSDPA), EDGE and GPRS support
• Symbian OS 9.2 Series 60 3rd edition Feature Pack 1 UI
• TV-out functionalityAutomatic UI rotationStereo speakersLarge capacity battery